Tools to Overcome Substance and Behavioral Addictions

Picture a familiar moment.

It is late, you have something important tomorrow, and you promise yourself you will stop after “one more.” One more drink. One more scroll. One more game. One more video. One more purchase.

Then you look up and an hour is gone. Sometimes three.

This is the everyday edge of addiction that the Huberman Lab conversation with addiction and trauma recovery clinician Ryan Soave keeps returning to: the behavior is not random. It is doing something for you. Often, it is providing relief.

What makes this episode’s perspective different is how practical and mechanism-focused it is. The emphasis is not on shame, labels, or moral failure. It is on identifying what the behavior is solving, stabilizing what is unsafe, and building a specific capacity many people never learned: the ability to feel discomfort without needing immediate escape.

When “relief” becomes the trap

Relief is powerful.

In the episode, the discussion points to an old Alcoholics Anonymous medical framing attributed to Dr. William Silkworth: people drink because they like the effect produced by alcohol. In this view, the effect is often relief.

That framing generalizes well beyond alcohol. Many substances and behaviors create a rapid shift in internal state, less anxiety, less loneliness, less agitation, less numbness, less fear, less self-criticism. The brain learns that the fastest way out of discomfort is to repeat the behavior.

But the trap is built into the speed.

Fast relief teaches the nervous system that distress is intolerable and must be escaped immediately. Over time, that reduces your window of tolerance, so smaller stressors feel bigger. The behavior becomes more frequent, then more urgent.

Did you know? Alcohol withdrawal can be medically dangerous. Severe withdrawal may include seizures and can be life-threatening, which is one reason medically supervised detox is sometimes necessary. Learn more about alcohol withdrawal risks from the National Library of MedicineTrusted Source.

This is why the episode repeatedly separates two problems that people blend together:

The first problem is about stabilization. The second is about neuroplasticity and skill-building.

Addiction as a solution, not the starting problem

A key insight in the conversation is blunt: addiction is often the solution, not the problem.

That does not mean it is a good solution. It means it is a solution to something else, usually an underlying stressor, pain, or emotional discomfort.

This perspective changes the first question from “How do I stop?” to “What is this helping me not feel, not face, or not remember?”

It also clarifies why simple advice like “just stop” fails so often.

If the substance or behavior is acting like someone’s medicine, removing it without adding alternative regulation tools can leave them raw. The internal state that was being medicated does not disappear. It often rebounds.

From a biological standpoint, repeated use of substances and reinforcing behaviors can reshape reward learning, cue reactivity, and stress systems. The National Institute on Drug Abuse describes addiction as involving changes in brain circuits related to reward, stress, and self-control, which helps explain why cravings and relapse risk can persist even after stopping for a period of time NIDA overviewTrusted Source.

The episode’s practical implication is that recovery is not only subtraction. It is replacement.

You remove the short-term relief tool, then you build:

Does it have you, or do you have it?

“Does it have you, or do you have it?” is one of the most usable questions in the entire discussion.

It avoids arguments about labels. It also avoids the trap of comparing yourself to someone “worse.”

A straightforward self-test mentioned in the conversation is to stop for a meaningful period, often a month, and observe what happens.

A simple self-check (Pattern A)

If you are unsure whether a behavior has crossed into addiction territory, try evaluating it with a few concrete prompts.

A short closing reality check matters here.

You do not need to hit a catastrophic bottom to take a behavior seriously. If it is shrinking your life, it deserves attention.

Pro Tip: If “30 days without it” feels impossible, do not start by debating willpower. Start by mapping triggers for 7 days: time of day, location, emotion, and who you are with. Patterns turn vague guilt into actionable data.

Why stopping can make you feel worse at first

Stopping can feel like the problem, even when the behavior was the problem.

This is one of the most important clinical points in the episode. When people use a substance or behavior as a regulator, it is doing real work in the background. It may be dampening anxiety, numbing sadness, muting shame, or creating a sense of control.

When it is removed, the nervous system is exposed.

In substance use, there may also be physiological withdrawal effects. In behavioral addictions, there is often a withdrawal-like experience: irritability, restlessness, insomnia, low mood, and a sense that nothing is rewarding.

The episode frames this as a predictable phase, not a personal failure.

From a mechanisms perspective, chronic exposure to highly reinforcing stimuli can shift dopamine-related learning and motivation. Over time, normal life can feel flat compared to the high-intensity stimulus. NIDA’s explanations of reward circuitry help make this understandable without reducing it to “weakness” reward and addiction overviewTrusted Source.

This is also where people often relapse.

Not because they forgot the consequences, but because the immediate internal discomfort feels unmanageable. That is why the episode’s focus on distress tolerance is not a motivational slogan. It is a core skill.

Detox and stabilization, what happens first and why

In the most acute cases, the first step is not deep insight.

It is safety.

The episode describes how treatment programs that handle high-acuity substance use often begin with medical and nursing assessments. If someone is at risk, they may need emergency care. If detox is appropriate, the goal is to stabilize the body so the person can think, sleep, and engage.

This matters especially for alcohol.

Alcohol withdrawal can include seizures and delirium tremens, and can be fatal without appropriate medical care in severe cases. Clinical references describe the range of withdrawal severity and why supervised care is sometimes needed alcohol withdrawal overviewTrusted Source.

A subtle point in the episode is that detox is not “treatment” in the deeper sense.

Detox is often the beginning. When the substance is gone, the person is left with the reasons they used it.

So the sequence becomes:

That sequence is practical. It also respects the reality that people cannot do trauma work while medically unstable.

Important: If you or someone you know is at risk of severe withdrawal, intoxication, overdose, or self-harm, urgent medical evaluation is appropriate. In the US, you can call or text 988 for the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline, and for immediate danger call 911.

The core skill, learning how to feel bad (safely)

The episode offers a line that is almost too honest for marketing: the work is learning how to feel bad.

That is not pessimism. It is capacity-building.

If your default response to discomfort is immediate escape, substances and behaviors will always have an advantage because they work fast. The alternative is to expand your distress tolerance, your ability to experience discomfort without acting impulsively.

This is not the same as “white-knuckling.”

White-knuckling is rigid suppression, often accompanied by shame and isolation. Distress tolerance is flexible, it includes skills, support, and the ability to ride out a wave.

What distress tolerance looks like in real life (Pattern C)

Cravings crest and fall.

Many people treat cravings like a command. This approach treats cravings like weather: intense, real, and temporary.

When you can stay present through a craving without acting, you teach your nervous system something new. That is neuroplasticity in action, repeated experiences that reshape what your brain predicts will happen if you do not escape.

Here are practical ways to build this capacity that fit the episode’s spirit of “zero-cost tools.”

What the research shows: Skills-based therapies such as cognitive behavioral therapy and relapse prevention are evidence-based approaches for substance use disorders, and often include coping skills for cravings and triggers. SAMHSA’s treatment resources summarize evidence-based behavioral approaches SAMHSA treatment overviewTrusted Source.

Trauma, adaptation, and the “old strategies” problem

The episode treats trauma in a broad, clinically common way.

Trauma is not only a single catastrophic event. It can also be the shaping that happens over years, the patterns a child develops to survive an environment.

This is a crucial nuance.

A child may learn to stay quiet, to appease, to fight, to flee, to numb out, to perform, or to disappear emotionally. Those strategies can be adaptive in the original environment. Later, they can become mismatched.

The episode’s point is that many addictive behaviors are not random pleasures. They are extensions of these strategies.

If your nervous system learned early that emotions are unsafe, then numbing makes sense. If you learned that connection is unreliable, then a predictable dopamine hit from a phone or porn can feel safer than intimacy.

From a public health perspective, trauma and substance use are often linked. The CDC describes how adverse childhood experiences are associated with increased risk for substance use and other health outcomes CDC ACEs resourceTrusted Source.

This does not mean trauma “causes” addiction in a simple way.

It means that unresolved stress patterns can increase vulnerability, and that recovery often involves updating those patterns.

Behavioral addictions and the “real life feels dull” effect

One of the most modern parts of the discussion is about behavioral addictions: video games, pornography, social media, online shopping, gambling.

These are not “less serious” because they are not substances.

They can still reorganize time, attention, relationships, and motivation. The episode highlights a practical sign: when the digital behavior makes real life feel underwhelming.

A park feels boring. A conversation feels slow. Sleep feels optional.

This is not just a cultural complaint. It is a nervous system issue.

Highly stimulating experiences can produce strong reward prediction signals, and the brain can recalibrate what counts as “interesting.” Then everyday rewards feel smaller.

The episode also makes room for nuance.

Some screen-based activities are social. Some are skill-building. Some are occasional and harmless. The question is not whether the activity exists, it is whether it is driving you.

A useful lens discussed is opportunity cost.

Even if grades have not cratered, 3 to 4 hours a day can displace sleep, movement, sunlight, and real-world social practice. Parents often see this earlier than kids because kids live in “now or not now.”

»MORE: Consider creating a one-page “Opportunity Cost Map.” List what the behavior crowds out (sleep, exercise, friends, hobbies, school, work, intimacy), then pick one item to rebuild this week.

Choosing supports, residential care, 12-step, therapy, self-guided

The episode takes a both-and approach.

Different people need different levels of care, and needs can change over time. Acute stabilization is not the same as long-term recovery maintenance.

Here is a practical way to think about support levels without turning it into a one-size-fits-all rule.

Matching support to severity (Pattern B)

If there is medical risk, repeated failed attempts to stop, or escalating consequences, higher support is often safer. That can mean medically supervised detox, residential treatment, or intensive outpatient programs.

If the pattern is earlier-stage, or primarily behavioral, structured outpatient therapy, coaching, or peer support may be enough, especially if the person has a stable home environment and strong accountability.

The episode also emphasizes that motivation at entry is not destiny. Some people arrive willing, others arrive furious. Both can recover.

A particularly useful idea is that treatment environments can act as a controlled microcosm of someone’s social world. The goal is not to create stress, but to allow real stressors to emerge in a safer container, like communicating with family and facing avoided responsibilities.

From a research and systems standpoint, SAMHSA’s national helpline and treatment locator can help people find appropriate levels of care, including outpatient and residential options SAMHSA find treatmentTrusted Source.

Expert Q&A (Pattern D)

Q: How do I know if I need detox or if I can quit at home?

A: If you have been using alcohol heavily or daily, have a history of withdrawal symptoms, seizures, or serious medical issues, it is safer to talk with a clinician before stopping. Alcohol withdrawal can be dangerous, and supervised care may be appropriate in some cases.

For other substances, withdrawal may be less likely to be fatal but can still be medically complicated, especially with polysubstance use or underlying health conditions. A primary care clinician, addiction medicine specialist, or an urgent care or ER team can help assess risk.

Ryan Soave, addiction treatment and trauma recovery clinician (as discussed in the Huberman Lab conversation)

A practical, step-by-step reset plan you can start today

This plan is designed to reflect the episode’s logic: stabilize, map patterns, build distress tolerance, then address deeper drivers.

It is not a substitute for medical care, and it is not meant to push anyone to stop substances abruptly if withdrawal risk is possible. It is a structure for getting traction.

How to run a 30-day “does it have me?” experiment (Pattern E)

A short note on why this works.

This approach turns recovery into repeated, observable learning. Each time you tolerate discomfort without escaping, you teach your brain that you can survive the feeling.

Quick tools that align with the episode’s “zero-cost” spirit (Pattern A)

Important: If cravings are paired with panic, severe depression, suicidal thoughts, or escalating risky behavior, professional support is appropriate. You do not have to wait for things to get worse to ask for help.

Expert Q&A

Q: What if the behavior still feels good and I do not see a “problem” yet?

A: One way to cut through uncertainty is to look at opportunity cost and preoccupation. If you are spending hours a day, losing sleep, withdrawing from relationships, or repeatedly failing to stop when you intend to, it may be worth treating it as a serious pattern even before a crisis.

A 30-day experiment can be clarifying. If stopping creates intense preoccupation or irritability, that is useful information about how much the behavior is regulating your internal state.

Ryan Soave, addiction treatment and trauma recovery clinician (as discussed in the Huberman Lab conversation)

Key Takeaways